Do you see the light?

A headlight is all you need to survive a night in the Danish countryside.

  Let us be completely honest. It is not fun leaving a warm bed and a loving wife in the middle of a dark and chilly Autumn night in a foreign and strange place.

  I can tell you what I was thinking of that chilly night with no stars, with the headlight on. Let me find the outhouse without tripping on a cow dung or a puddle. Let me come back to my loving wife and warm bed as quick as possible.

  But I was probably also thinking: what am I doing here, fumbling in the dark in the middle of nowhere without the slightest idea of where I would like to spend the rest of my life or my next night.

  I was not at all thinking of what happened the first day of our summer vacation a year ago. As it was nothing to remember, only to repress.

A year ago:

It is a lovely early summer day with birds song outside. Our favourite thai dish is on the table. We begin to eat with good appetite. My wife is next to me. Everything is nearly perfect.

  A moment later my entire world passes through a mixer. I can only see blinding tiny undefined, shapeless pieces moving around fast.

  I shut my eyes, reopen them and still cannot get back neither my wife nor the world in one piece again.

  Is this the end? Am I experiencing stroke after an exceptional stressed working period? Nothing to be surprised about. Something to mourn. After 50 years of life I reached the point of no return. It is time to leave, untimely.

 I am absolutely calm, absolutely sad. I have lost all ability to act. I sit put. No word at all comes over my lips, no food neither.  As I am already gone and the body that heavily lies on the chair is a corpse with functions that soon and gradually will be abounded. The ability to see is merely the beginning.

 How was this life? Am I satisfied with it?

 Of course not. No way I wish to end my life goodwilling. There is so much to regret, so much to accomplish.

 My life is undone.

 But I am on a process of losing it. I have already lost control over my sight.

  My wife is talking to me, she is talking to somebody on an emergency number. The shame I feel being carried away to the ambulance for the first time in my life is indescribable. Shame as there must be individuals with more urgent needs than I.

  Soon no more shame. No nothing. White walls. 


Headlight on the Danish countryside

At last we have found this cottage somewhere on the Danish countryside. Just in due time before sunset, which was magnificent when we later viewed it. The cottage has just everything. A double bed, a table for two and a well equipped kitchen with more pans than we have imagined. And a swat to remind us of how down deep in the countryside we are.

 Very well equipped indeed.

 The cottage has just everything.

 Even a headlight.

  Which is tremendously crucial as soon as we have viewed this magnificent sunset and the orange sun was eaten up by the mighty sea not too far away and we were so excited and had to pee.

  Then was the headlight tremendously crucial. Otherwise we had probably fallen into an icy trench and never found the outhouse, that was at that time non smelling.

  Really a tremendously well equipped cottage.

  Yet I wonder how come that two well educated middle aged people with job and hobbies all of a sudden have sold nearly everything they owned, not least a townhouse with a nice bathroom on each of the two floors, and find themselves on a poorly illuminated outhouse in the middle of a Danish nowhere.

  But I have to admit that the swat was very effective, and not just as a countryside reminder.

Possible External Influence: Kind landlady.

SHE: Indeed. Kindly enough she allowed us to use her own bathroom in her unlocked house nearby our cottage “at any time”. Is it sure that she or her husband can hear the difference between a tenant and a thief in the middle of the night? Or are they going to pull the trigger?

Puff! Splash!

I: This is Denmark, dear. Not USA. People trust each other around here. Maybe this is why Danish people are among the luckiest on earth according to polls. Weapon is probably not what makes people feel safe nor happy. Trust is a better gun.  

My first day

This is the place where I share my last day with you. “Last” as my ambition is living each day as it was my last.

My last wish is a long journey. This is the story of my recent day on that journey. Every day may be my last one.

Before reading any further a major warning, from a friend to a friend. Reading this blog may cause irritation. Not only because of the topic. My non native English with its countless faults might be a constant reminder of how annoying imperfect human nature is.

Growing irritation may be swept away with a sense of humor. But I am not in a position of promising you a good laugh. 

I am not in a position of promising anything. 

I am in a position of sharing with you some pieces of my life.

Besides, life is nothing to be laughing at.

But it helps.

Yet I would like to promise you honesty. Which is not so little nowadays. Honesty means striving after the truth, nothing but the truth and no “alternative truth”.

Nothing but my truth.